Touch is an underused source of mutual pleasure in many relationships. It’s underused during foreplay. It’s underused during lovemaking. It’s underused as an alternative to genital intercourse. And it’s underused during the 23 or so hours of the day when you’re not engaged in sex.

“Just a touch on the arm or on the back of the head can convey a lot,” “It can mean ‘I’m thinking about you’ or ‘I care about you.’ Both men and women like that.”

Touch, then, is a powerful thing. That innocent-looking skin of hers is actually hot-wired with tactile receptors that sort out different types of touches. Those deemed pleasurable prompt her brain to send out a loud message to the rest of her body that sex may not he a bad idea in the near future.

Hence the ember- smoldering function of touching her and touching her often. Your relationship’s temperature control is quite literally at your fingertips. Here’s how to keep your hands on the thermostat.

Start early. The sooner you start the touching, the more time it has to work its seductive magic. “Sexual response begins long before you get into the bedroom,” “Physical contact during the day is going to end up in more intimate sexuality later.”

Vary your touching. Shun routine in your touches as you would in anything else in your relationship. That means, among other things, shifting the intensity of your touches as the occasion warrants. Touch intensities can even be correlated to car gears. First gear: affectionate touching, fully- clothed. Second gear: semi-sexual touching, semi-clothed. Third gear: playful sexual. touching, clothing-optional. Fourth gear: sexual touching to orgasm. Overdrive: sexual touching during genital intercourse.

“Learn to value all five gears“. No problem. Sounds as easy as driving a car.

Staying in Touch

Now that you’re developing your touchmeister skills, keep them up during and beyond the flame-stoking phase. Sure, you already touch each other a lot during intercourse, if only to hang on for dear life. But touch can play a starring, not just supporting, role in sex.

That’s because, while men tend to home in on the target like a heat-seeking missile, women prefer the whole-body approach to sex. “That’s not to say women don’t like intercourse,” “But they view sex typically as involving a lot of things, including touch.

Expand your definition of sex, and you’ll see that there are other ways to give pleasure.”

Just look at the mathematics of the thing. Instead of touching her in one place with one penis, touch her in a hundred places with 10 fingers— that’s a 1,000-percent increase in pleasure possibilities. And ther a bonus: By concentrating on full-body tactile pleasure, you take the focus off the twin obsessions of erection and lubrication. “Forget the penis. Forget the vagina. Forget performance.” “That’s all a big issue over a little tissue. Just try sensuality for a while. Let the sex organs lose their anxiety.”

Of course, an erection may present itself of its own volition. Let the feeling frenzy continue anyway. “Some men find they’re having so much fun doing these other things that they decide to forget about intercourse.”

In fact, some women can be touched to orgasm without genital stimulation. That’s not common enough for you to make it a realistic goal, by the way. But you should have plenty of fun trying. Here are some ways you can stay in touch with your woman.

Take it slow. If you’re wearing a watch when your sensual session begins, take it off. You could scratch her. But worse, you might look at it.

The idea isn’t to fill a cuddle quotient so you can move on to “real” sex. Like the song says, women want a man with a slow hand. Make that two hands. And make it very slow. “It should get to thepoint where she’s asking for you to penetrate her and you still don’t,” “It’s better for her to really want it than to be coaxed into it. And the way to do that is with a lot of touching.”

Touch, her way. Remember, you aim to please. Sometimes those breasts seem to cry out for some serious kneading, but what she really wants may be feathery touches. Or firm but gentle stroking. Whatever she wants, obey the signals. And take them in the right spirit.

“Women vocalize their desires about touch more than men do,” “That doesn’t mean you’re doing anything wrong. It’s just that you can’t be expected to know exactly what she wants.” So let her tell you.

Practice your fingerwork. Touch marathons are for pleasure, not work. But like any neglected skill, pleasure-touching may require a bit of dedication at the outset. “People are not very good at touching each other.” “You have to practice. But enjoy the practice sessions.”