Sex Positions

You’re having a big fight. Dishes are hurled. Doors are slammed. Suddenly, amidst the yelling and screaming, you find yourself turned on. Instead of ripping into each other, you and your honey start ripping at each other’s clothes. Before you know it, you’ve had make-up sex. Fight’s over, right?

Not really. The truth is that having sex doesn’t mean that you’ve resolved any problems.

“You can get really turned on during a fight because your adrenaline is surging, which gives you a real thrill factor,” says Don Fernando Azevedo, Ph.D., clinical psychologist at the Psychological Resource Center in Cary, North Carolina. “Then, when you begin to have sex, you feel a huge amount of relief and gratitude. It’s almost as if you’re in a new relationship.”

Lovemaking comes with its own set of hormones, which can make the two of you feel closer and more bonded than you did before, certainly more than while you were fighting.

“But if you haven’t resolved the issue or learned to fight fairly, ugly arguments will keep reoccurring,” says Dr. Azevedo. “Then fighting and having sex can become an addictive cycle.”

While this cycle is passionate—and certainly has its temporary reward—in the end it creates another hazard in the relationship. For instance, “a man might think that he can continue a certain behavior once he’s convinced he’ll still be able to have sex with his partner,” Dr. Azevedo explains. “Eventually, however, she’ll really think he’s a jerk if he keeps doing something she doesn’t like over and over again—and keeps expecting to have sex.” Soon enough, she’ll feel used— and make-up sex becomes nothing of the kind.

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