Sex Positions

Language, they say, is what separates us noble humans from the baser animals. But when it comes to sex, we’re often no nobler than aardvarks. In fact, we can be pretty dumb about it.

If you’re having trouble breaking out of those dull sex patterns, maybe your first order of business as a couple should be naming your nemesis. Like, what do you actually call things? Do you use medical terms like coitus? Common euphemisms like “making love”? Street talk? Humorous names? It doesn’t matter as long as you have a working vocabulary, says independent sex researcher Dr. Timothy Perper. “Work out a language that’s clear to both of you,” “It’s your own private language. Nobody’s listening.”

The alternative to a language is a lifetime of uncommunicated desires. “If it’s hard for people even to ask for routine sex, it’s even more difficult to ask for something that’s a change of style,” says Dr. Robert Birch, a psychologist who specializes in marriage and sex therapy. “You need to break through that barrier.”

Inhibited couples also tend to be too subtle with their sexual messages. An example is a woman who takes a shower when she’s in the mood for sex. “That’s supposed to be his signal,” “That’s crazy. People miss signals like that.”

So you have to talk the talk. And while constructing your own private language is a good beginning, your healthiest option is to get to the point where you both can communicate your desires in plain English without being self-conscious about it. “Adult human beings should be able to say, ‘I’m horny. How about you?” “If you want something, you have to ask for it.”

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