Sex, yes or no, Read your Girlfriends’ Sexual Mind

August 15th, 2009

When a male herring gull wants to mate with his female companion, he repeatedly flips his bill up and down. If she’s interested, the lady herring flips hers right back.

The mating ritual is enviably straightforward. The male herring doesn‘t wonder whether his lady bird is stretching her neck, teasing him, or, uh, flipping him the bird. No, her head bob means only one thing. He gets her drift. And the two get down to business.

And then we have human body language. We ask her if she’s in the mood. She waits a few seconds, shrugs and nods, and doesn‘t smile. Well, is she in the mood or isn’t she? We can only guess. And often we guess wrong.

Observe Move She Makes

Women sure aren’t easy creatures to figure out. In fact, women, more often than men, send mixed messages. They say yes when they mean no. They say nothing’s wrong when they’re mad as hell.

There are numerous reasons that your partner won’t tell you what’s on her mind. Maybe she doesn‘t want to hurt your feelings. Or maybe she’s fearful of your rejection or afraid you’ll be mad. For whatever reason, tell you “Yeah, it’s okay if your mother comes this weekend” when she really wishes your mother would visit, say, Iceland instead.

One key to decoding such confusing messages is to listen to her body, not her words. Most people are pretty good at saying something to mask their feelings. Few people, however, can control the pitch of their voice, their facial expressions, or their posture when they’re feeling strong emotions.

According to research on this subject, couples who read each other’s nonverbal cues correctly are usually happier than couples who either don’t notice or misinterpret each other’s body language. So get in touch with her unspoken language. Here’s how.

See the whole picture. Body language is a complicated web of signals. You’ll only be able to understand them if you take in all of the signals rather than zeroing in on individual expressions. So before jumping to conclusions, note the following nonverbal cues as a package, not as individual clues.

The pitch of her voice
Her posture
Her facial expression

The speed of her speech
What she’s doing with her arms and legs
Only when you add up all of those aspects will you get a stronger picture of the message she’s trying to send.

Always ask. When you realize that your partner has sent you a mixed message, you may think, “Aha, I have her figured out” and then spring to action. Don’t. If you are wrong, you could escalate the fight. Instead, first verify your suspicion by questioning her. And keep in mind that she may have mixed feelings, which may explain why you’re getting a mixed message.

Read emotions, not thoughts. You can’t tell exactly what’s running through her mind by watching her body language. But you can tell how she feels about what’s running through her mind. For instance, if she looks elated, she probably is. But you have no way of knowing if she’s elated because she’s thinking about a past lover, about you, or about something else. Ultimately, you have to ask.

She really wants

Body language can be hard to accurately read—unless you’re very astute and know the other person well. Of course, before you even attempt to decipher her body language, you need a quick vocabulary lesson. Here are a few of the more common messages women send using body language and nonverbal cues.

“I really don’t believe you.”You can tell whether your woman bought the story about the car breaking down on the way home by checking out her facial expression. She may verbally say, “Really, honey? And then what happened?” But if her head cocks to one side and slightly forward and one corner of her mouth pulls back, she probably thinks you’re feeding her a load of manure.

“I really mean `no.’” You ask her if she wouldn’t mind cooking dinner. She says no. But she really doesn‘t want to and will resent it later. How to tell? She‘ll hesitate before saying yes. The tone of her voice may be less enthusiastic than other times when she really did mean yes. Finally, you might catch a micro-expression—a very fast rolling of the eyes or scowl that she quickly replaces with a fake smile.

“I really don’t want to have sex, but I’m giving in anyway.” She‘d rather scrut the bathroom floors than have sex, but she doesn‘t tell you. You can take her hint by noticing her blank facial expression and nervous laugh when she verbally says “okay” tc your sexual advances. Also, see if she stiffens up when you touch her. Most likely, a woman who really doesn‘t want to have sex won’t reciprocate your advances and may even turn away.

“I really do want sex—right now.” You’re both thinking the same thing if she smiles back, moves toward you, and reciprocates your advances. And if she walks up to you and starts biting the back of your neck as she places your hand on her breast…well, that’s body language that needs no translation.

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