Sex Positions

You can’t exactly say men are inhibited about masturbation, since at least 60 percent of them do it, according to at least one survey. But try getting just about any guy to talk about his personal masturbation habits, and you’ll get a pretty good idea about the queasiness still connected with it.

Which complicates the issue of masturbation in a relationship, doesn’t it? Even if you’ve overcome the old taboos, your marital status may be throwing a whole new set of doubts at you. Am I betraying her by taking things into my own hands? Shouldn’t I be saving it for her?

Researchers say that masturbation can be a godsend for overcoming inhibitions and developing better sex in your relationship, especially if you supplement your private activity with some joint sessions. There are two major variations on that theme for you to take hold of.

Mutual masturbation. Bringing each other to orgasm is foolproof birth control and about as safe as sex can get. For a steady couple, it has even more to recommend it. For one thing, it’s an ongoing learning experience for both of you, the lesson being how to touch your partner with maximum effect. For another, it’s decadently self-indulgent, which is good. A little bit of mutually agreed upon selfishness now and then helps takes some pressure off a relationship. “It’s often a good thing for both of you to concentrate on getting just one of you off,” “Then the next day, or maybe the next hour, you concentrate on the other one. That’s a nice change of pace.”

Solo Sex together. Sex therapists often recommend focusing on the masturbation taboo as a way of overcoming sexual inhibitions. You do that by masturbating yourself in front of her, while she does the same. Obvious drawback: A couple with cold feet about trying new things sexually may have frozen feet at the thought of it.

“It can be very threat- ing,” “But you have to look at it as a challenge. If you can do it with your partner, then you establish a very high trust level. That brings you closer together.”

It’s also even more educational than mutual masturbation. “It shows your partner what she can do to make things better for you,” “You each know best what pleases you, and masturbation is one way of showing it.”

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Solo Sex Together